"Oh, hello waist spillage affectionately called: muffin top and/or lower pooch sag."
So yeah, I gained weight while pregnant and sort of never lost it. I did a little post-Han Bon, but started taking anti-depressants for postpartum depression and weight gain is a side effect. However, I recently stopped taking them; so hopefully with a healthy diet and semi-regular exercise (fingers crossed) I can say goodbye to the sag. I was never Jennifer Aniston skinny and in fact never want to be. I just want my clothes to fit comfortably and smoothly.
"I'm now not the only one losing sleep due to my partner's snoring because I too am now keeping him awake with my cacophonous intake of air during slumber."
"Well now, ain't you the cutest lil' baby hairs I ever did see. Now what the hell do I do with you?!"
Is that why they're called baby hairs because you get them post-baby? Granted, I lost them post-baby too. I suppose I should just be happy my sparse patches of hair are now thickening up.
"Dude, it's cussin' boiling up in this joint! What is it like, 65 degrees in here?!"
"Surprise! I'm bleeding."
I used to be able to tell when ol' Auntie Flow would come on into town, but post-baby - nah uh. I don't get so much as a slight abdominal twinge before I'm off buying new undies. TMI? Probably, but that's sort of how it goes post-baby. Look, it's pretty effin' weird when your whole life your body has let you know when things are happening below deck so you can get your affairs in order and now it's like your body's all "eff this shiz, you're on your own, lady." Say, what?!
"Wait. Are those...are those more GREY HAIRS!?"
Yes, I had 1 maybe 2 silver slivers, but now I'm finding more and more. Although to be fair that may not be the kid's fault (none of these are, really), but more to do with my old ass. But hey, if I go grey and look like that beaut (Sarah Harris) above then sign me up! Truth be told, I'm fine embracing the grey, I just want more of it not a few sprigs here and there. Consistency, folks!
"Ew this flakage is worse than the folks in a Head and Shoulders commercial."
I've always had dandruff, but never to this extent. I tried EVERYTHING to get rid of it, but the only thing that worked was going with the no poo method. I now wash my hair with a couple tablespoons of baking soda/water/few drops of lemon essential oil. After I let it sit on my scalp for a few minutes I rinse and then wash with Morrocco Method's Apple Cider Vinegar Shampoo. I save money, time, and my scalp is irritation/flakage free! My hair can be a bit dry and tangly, but while it's drying or before I blow-dry it, I use a little coconut oil and thankfully that works really well.
"Apparently my face is now reptilian as I seem to be shedding skin on the daily."
"Don't mind my hobbling, I had a baby like a year ago."
That popped rib muscle I had pre-Han, still haunts me figuratively and literally. I also get this bizarre muscle soreness on the tops of my feet. I had it when I was pregnant and was told that's due to the softening of ligaments. Yeah, never quite went a way. I don't have the pain all the time, just bouts of it here and there - like now. I also have pelvic soreness while lying on my side, but we just got a new memory foam bed and what do you know - no more pelvic soreness!
Well that's the end of the quirks edition of this post. I hope to have the perks post up tomorrow. Maybe not so surprisingly it's shorter.
Someecard image | Sarah Harris image | Breakfast Club gif | Sorry no image image | Old lady image
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