Is it so wrong to want Leslie Knope as a BFF for my birthday?

Well actually, Saturday the 24th was my day o' birth. It was a low-key affair and that was fine with me. Hung with a couple of mama buddies and my gorgeous baby beasty. Danny made me vegan banana bread for my b-day cake and it was super yummy and ever so comforting. Mmm.

So yeah, another year. Another day of rumination. I just can't help it. This year my thoughts went to friendships and kindness. I have friends and I appreciate them dearly, don't get me wrong. But sometimes, I can't help but think about that one friend I lack. The one that feels like an appendage, you know what I mean? And yes, I feel that way with Danny but he doesn't count. I'm talking about that hardcore bond with a gal I'm not sexually and romantically involved with.

I look at the world around me and I meditate on the negativity that tends to cloud people and then I just start craving kindness. Kindness can definitely be elusive at times. And being acerbically sarcastic from time to time is always a hoot, but everyday and to the people you love? Heck, even to strangers who haven't done anything harmful or nasty. SMH. Doesn't seem right. Mindy Kaling brought up such a good point in this article, "The time I waste on being mean could be better [spent] on thinking up a fun workout playlist or finding a cool recipe for my slow cooker." YES! My sentiments exactly.

I don't know. Perhaps it's my old age, but is it so wrong to want kind people in your life? I'm not saying all the people in my life aren't kind, I just feel like I'm missing that one friend who is beyond kind. Who teaches me to be kinder and appreciate things MORE, but at the same time shares the same interests as me. A person who is so close to me we finish each other's sandwiches sentences.

Maybe the crux of this feeling of mine is my recent obsession with Parks and Recreation. Well, duh. I guess it took me writing about it to have an "ah-ha!" realization. And here's that realization: I want Leslie Knope for a BFF, dammit!

I'm 34 now and I find myself having this heart-wrenching longing for a friend I can call at all hours of the night for advice, gossip, and celebrity bashing. Who lives super close. Someone who is genuine and KIND. A gal who openly and joyously celebrates our friendship as much as I do. Is a person like that fiction? Will I ever meet my Leslie Knope? Am I having a mid-life crisis 20 years too soon? Maybe finding someone like that is like dating - meaning, I'm just gonna have to put myself out there to find The One.

Ok, so that folks is the end of my "birthday thoughts" segment for at least another year. But if I could impart one thing to you, gracious reader, it is this:

Ovaries before brovaries image    
It's cool image

As old as it took me to incubate him.

It's been a crazy week. I started weaning myself off Zoloft and let me tell, my hormones are CRAY CRAY. Nothing as bad as before I started the Zoloft, but I can definitely tell my brain is trying to settle into the new dosage. Basically, I'm super antsy. I just applied for my dream job and I was bouncing off the walls with excitement, nervousness, stress (happy and not so happy), and anxiety. Dang man, it was exhausting! Once I turned the application in, I finally cooled down a bit.

Hence my belated post about Han's 9 month milestones. I must say, I'm happy we waited to take his photo for the weekend and in the light of day. I didn't even use an Instagram filter! This is definitely my fave of the series thus far and no, it's not because my stems make an appearance. Although this happens to be my birthday month and I got to choose his outfit and record and the color of words are kinda my fave, so there's all of that. In regards to my record choice, Han will be a super fan of the semi-local Joanna Newsom in his very near future. I simply CAN'T WAIT till we belt out "Inflammatory Writ" together! YouTube, look out! Well, without further ado, here are my lil' beasty's monthly milestones:

• Practices walking, constantly!
• Climbs on everything. His fave thing to do as of late is climb up on his Darth Vadar chair and look out the window with his feline bro, Monpetit. It's sort of the CUTEST. 
• He continues to suck on food, but has yet to successfully swallow bits on purpose.
• Babbles "mama" and "dada" like it's never going out of style. I'd like to think he now associates those words with us. Just the other day, I sat on the floor in close proximity to him and he looked over, smiled wide, and started walking/crawling over to me all the while squealing: "MAMA!" Heart. 
• He's super hyper and LOVES when he can escape our makeshift baby gate.
• While we watch TV, read, or play on our phones he'll happily entertain himself with his toys - at least for an extended period of time before he begs for our attention.
• Although he can hang in his Pack n' Play for a good while, when he's done he ferociously squeals and shakes the railing like a possessed baby. It's very Chucky-esque; i.e., adorable. ;)
• Received his Polio vaccine. Well, the first round. 
• Teething, but still no teeth. That's why his fingers are in mouth and he's started sticking his tongue out again and blowing raspberries.

Hmm, guess that's it for now. Remembering this stuff is super hard. I suppose I could make it easier by keeping a journal nearby, so I can write down his milestones...but that's like so early 2000s. Ugh. And because she's my fave and her unique musical talents need to be spread around, here's Ms. Joanna majestically crooning the delightful "Inflammatory Writ."

And heck, why not - here she is at the Inherent Vice premiere in a swoon-worthy ensemble.

And because I'm clearly obsessed with her and the title of this song is the year of my birth, here's a video of her performing one of my favorite ditties off her most recent album. 

What a beaut.

Joanna image

What a 30-something's closet fantasy looks like.

No 9 month milestone post today. #fail - womp womp. I know I said I'd have one in my last post, but I have a good excuse! Danny wants to wait and take Han's photo during the day on Saturday, so the light will be better. I can get behind that. In the meantime, I'm going to post about a fantasy of mine: an organized closet. Hot stuff, am I right?

The closet in need of organization (well all of 'em really) is Han's. "Ooh la la" the possibilities because that is by no means an organized closet...yet. Han shares a room with our office, which is still not decorated/organized. We've been working on it for...oh...hmm...a year plus. Ugh. Yeah, we're procrastinators. And I can't even blame having a baby on it because we were totally like this pre-Han!

I'm obsessed with design blogs, mags, and books. It seriously is like an addiction now, and yet, can't seem to keep up with design in my own home. I so want to - SO VERY BADLY. For a while there I was feeling extremely guilty for my mess of a house. Although Danny thinks our place is fine - I mean, sure it's not Hoardersville but it could really use a good scrub, an everything-has-a-place organization plan, and a style scheme per room. I'm not gonna lie, part of my postpartum depression grew from this guilt. Then I stumbled across this article by blogger Kristen Howerton. These two photos in particular really spoke to me:

Milestones, he's had 'em - I swear!

Technically my lil' beasty is 9 months old as of yesterday, but I figure before I post his 9 month milestones I better catch up! Ok, hopefully my memory of the last few months is up to par (howls of laughter from anyone who knows me - yeah much love, ya c-words!).

• Sitting with no probs (and generally a lot straighter than above, but dude wants to crawl on out of the photo).
• Crawling and sometimes with a ferocious fervor - YOWZAS!
• Cruisin' for a bruisin' - seriously, he wobbles around the coffee table, couch, chairs, media center, you name it and let's just say lots of tumbling has come of it, but darn it if he ain't a trooper!
• He knows and does the sign for milk!
• Holds his bottle - less work for mommy and daddy, woot woot!
• We tried feeding him avocado and sweet potato purees, which just made him gag so hard he puked. Solids are so not his friend.
• He did suck on some cantaloupe in one of those mesh things at Fox & Goose restaurant, but when we tried it at home he wanted NOTHING to do with it. #palmtoface We gave up with solids after several attempts and figured we'd try again next month.
• We got TOOFERS! 2 to be exact on the bottom. 
• He's over the pacifier.
• Sleeps through the night again - phew!
• We used the extinction method for his nap time and it totally worked! He takes 2 naps: 1 in the morning and 1 in the early afternoon. Each nap lasts roughly 1.5 to 2 hours! When we first used it, he cried for about 15 minutes and then was out for over an hour. Next nap he cried less than 5 minutes. Now he rarely fusses and if he does it's less than a minute. There's a lot of controversy about CIO and extinction, but heck, it totally worked for us and Han is one of the happiest lil' dudes I know. :) Plus, mommy and daddy get a full 8 hours of sleep every night. Hallelujah!
• We were using cloth diapers exclusively, but he broke out in a crazy rash. Turns out we needed to strip them, which I learned from my co-worker at the Public Library. Unfortunately, Danny and I have become a bit too complacent and haven't jumped on the stripping cloth diaper ball. New Year's resolution: go back to cloth diapering! 

• Tried vegan refried beans from El Papagayo and LOVED 'em! Took the spoon from Danny and fed himself. Unfortunately this was short lived as Danny tried again at home only to spurts of gagging and eventual vomiting. He loves the Apples & Greens smoothie from Jamba Juice (yes, the one I hurled up while in labor). The Jamba Juice we go to actually makes it with real spinach, kale, and apples.
• Danny and I now sit at our dining table with Han and whatever we are eating we give him a piece; e.g., pineapple, seasoned beans, olives, seasoned tofu, roasted broccoli and cauliflower, etc. He sucks and sometimes swallows, but mostly he gags - haha.
• Much steadier on his feet! In fact, on Saturday, January 3rd he took his first steps! It was only a couple and he fell, but he's been practicing all by himself daily! 
• Naps and sleeps through the night (thank the old gods of the North!).
• He received some cute clothes and toys for Christmas. 
• I moved his diaper changing station from our buffet in our dining room to his room, which makes our place feel a tiny bit less cluttered. Baby steps.
• Loves watching Pee Wee's Playhouse with his daddy. 
• Loves watching Sex & the City with his mommy. ;)
• I don't know why, but he started pointing. He sure loves pointing. He can sort of wave too. He doesn't always do it, but it's clear he is copying us when we wave to him.
• We sign milk, diaper, all done, more, and night night to him. He doesn't sign any back and actually doesn't sign milk as much as he used to, but I think that's because we know our kid and his cues. We'll keep it up and hopefully in a month or two he'll respond.

Ok, that's all I got for now. I'm sure there's stuff missing. Ugh! I'm determined to be better at posting his milestones. My goal is to post his 9 month milestones tomorrow! There. I said it, so it must be true. Ha!

The big ol' gift-giving debacle.

As another holiday season moves along (thank the gods!), I found myself struggling with the whole Christmas gift-giving concept. This year was Han's first Christmas and although I was super excited to see him among all the festive lights, decor, and family, I started to wonder: what if we removed the gift aspect of Christmas and instead focused on the family and all around feel-goodness of the holiday?

Since I'm the only one working while Danny stays home with Han, our finances are pretty dismal. We didn't get anyone a gift this year because of it. And although I was bummed at first, the pressure of planning a budget and buying gifts didn't exist for me this year. Let me tell you, it was RELIEVING. It felt so good! A Christmas miracle, if you will! No gift-giving and instead simply hanging out with family and eating good food totally MADE my holiday.

I brought up this idea of focusing on family instead of gifts to Danny. His reaction was akin to telling an eight year old Santa isn't real. Danny is a big kid who LOVES presents - giving and getting. A part of me was frustrated that the exchange of material items is something he refuses to give up, but then I can see where he's coming from. I mean this is a tradition we grew up with and he came from a very happy home where money troubles didn't exist or at the very least were not at the forefront. My upbringing was very different. Having your phone, power, and water shut off as a kid is confusing, sad, and scary. Losing the home you grew up in to something called a foreclosure is a whole other confounding ordeal. That being said, we always had Christmas and I'm baffled at how my mom was able to swing that especially during all that other mess. I imagine it was stressful and deflating at times.

And that's why I wanted to call the whole thing off (or well, the gift bit). I truly believe Han will be a better person celebrating Christmas without the materialism. Trying to convince Danny was going to be the hard bit. I started researching online to see what other parents had to say on the topic and I think I've come to a compromising solution that will not only appease Danny, but makes me feel content about the idea of gifts for our son during Christmas time. First, let me break down each article I read in order so you can see how I came up with a solution that works for me:

Wait, a post not about Han?

Strangely, I have embraced interior design. Oh ho-ho, by no means am I an expert. No, no. My education on it has come from tons of HGTV and blogs. As of late I got a bug up my pa-toots to re-do our bedroom. I hated the lavender gray color I thought was gray-gray when I bought it - ROOKIE MISTAKE! And it just started feeling kind of BLAH. After devouring the blog House*Tweaking, I found myself loving her master bedroom design choices. I started tinkering with ideas in my head and then I created my first mood board:

1) bedding, coverlet, paint color 2) Picasso print 3) blanket 4) deer skull 5) swing-arm wall lamp 6) stock photo from Sleep Train 7) IKEA Expedit - no longer in stock 8) nightstand 9) storage bench 10) chair

Eh, not that best but I certainly felt proud of myself. At any rate this board incorporates items I already own with ones I hope to purchase. I wanted our room to come off a lot more sophisticated than it did. Because I knew the process was going to take time and because we are chronic procrastinators and because of $$$ I made sure to use items we already owned that hung out in other places in the house.

The first thing we did was paint. Now that I sort of understand the differences between grays (I personally like grays with more green than blue) I couldn't wait to get the paint rollers out! We chose Benjamin Moore's Rockport Gray:

We of course painted a swatch on the wall and debated between other grays, but ultimately this was the gray that stole my heart and Danny just had to fall in line. Of course once we painted a wall he fell in love too. Well, here are some "still in progress" photos:

Eventually I'd like to change out the nightstands and table lights with the ones on my mood board or at least something close (re: cheap) to those items. I'd also like a bigger bed with either a headboard or mid-century modern like bed frame. I may just have to make do with a headboard until I make my gahjillions to afford something as spiffy as a mid-century mod bed frame. A girl can dream.

I plan on getting rid of that mirror. I need to find a new place to hang my necklaces. In fact, I should probably go through them and part ways. Also, the Billy bookcase that holds my sweaters and shoes needs to go too. I plan on going through and donating as many items as possible. The goal is to replace the bookshelf with an awesome print we have, add a chair, a small table, and a record player. Baby steps.

That there is Danny's record collection. He also has a deer skull I hope to set in the middle of the shelf. I may add other little decor bits here and there, but the focal point will be the skull. I have a Murphy vanity. It's a great space-saver, but the front of it could easily display a cool print or something. I'd also like to hang other art pieces in that corner. On top of it sit my jewelery box and earring holder. Another de-cluttering project. I hope to keep the top of the vanity for art or other knickknacks. I also plan on getting rid of that mirror on the floor and hot pink trash bin. I'd love to get remove the ceiling fan but we're renters, folks.

Gosh, looking at these photos makes me think I need to learn how to use a more profesh camera - iPhone snapshots aren't cutting it. Well, maybe it will once I upgrade to a 6 - ha! At any rate, I'm happy with the progress and sure hope I can finish it before Danny and I pay for that ol' marriage license. Our efforts are now focused on baby-proofing and finishing Han's room, which seems more prudent since our kid is a mover and a shaker now! Sheesh that was fast. 

He's half way to one whole year!

Han is now 6 months. I'm not going to lie, it felt like 6 months was FOREVER away. Now I look back and think: "wow that was a hot second." Everyone kept telling Danny and me this, but when you're in the thick of newborn insanity it's hard to remember it will all boil down to a teeny blip in this lil' dude's existence. So let me catch up on what this bundle of mayhem has been up to these past couple of months: