On April 12th around 3:15pm, Danny (my partner in crime and baby daddy) and I were about to leave our humble abode to meet his folks for a pre-birthday din din for his mom. I even put on make-up for the first time in weeks! Well, before we trotted out the door I decided to blow my nose. Now, anyone who knows me knows that when I blow my nose Louis Armstrong's got nothing on me!
So it's no surprise that my trumpeting nose blow broke my water. It wasn't a geyser shooting out my crotch; more like a leak. I cleaned myself up and decided to head to dinner anyway because I read when women have a leak it takes a while for labor to really start. Plus, I really wanted to buy Han a coming home outfit (yeah we waited till the last minute, what?).
This is super long, so click the jump if ya want to keep going...
We first stopped at Bed Bath & Beyond to buy his mom a gift card. As I bent down to grab the card, I felt another gush. Ran to the bathroom, cleaned up again, and decided perhaps calling the doc at this time would be beneficial. I still wanted that outfit for Han, so after we called the doc (who told us to come in) we raced to Babies R Us, picked out an outfit, raced home to pack up stuff (yeah, waited till the last minute on that too), and then headed to the hospital.
Since Han was late, my friend who was going to assist Danny and me through my labor and delivery had to leave town. It was a bummer, but I figured at least I have Danny and plenty of couples (heck even single peeps!) go through the process without the aid of a coach. So I focused on keeping my spirits up and hoping for the best even though I was bummed she wouldn't get to be there. Looking back now, I sure wished she could have been there. Sigh.
Anyhoots, once there I had to go to the triage to find out if my water had indeed broke or I just lost complete control of my urethral sphincter. We arrived at around 5pm or so and didn't head to labor and delivery until closer to 8pm! Ugh, I was so uncomfortable lying there. I only had a couple of contractions that were very mild, but my legs were swollen, my rib muscle was sore again, and my mid-back area hurt. Plus I was BORED.
Just to be clear, I'm a bit fuzzy on some of the following events. Danny would probably have a better perspective. In fact, I hope to get his story on how things went down so I can post it to this here blog.
After what felt like an ETERNITY, my tests came back indicating that yes, the fluid leaking out of me was indeed amniotic and not pee pee. They moved me to Labor and Delivery and let me tell you I was so ecstatic! I couldn't wait to meet our son! I was even excited to experience labor and birth. I was in complete BRING IT ON mode.
Unfortunately my doctor was on vacation, but her back up was totes awesome. However, she of course wanted to induce me and shit. I was like, "oh, nah uh." I wanted to go au naturel. Word. Contractions, bring it! But before they actually did, I sucked down a delicious Apples & Greens smoothie from Jamba Juice. I hadn't eaten anything since 1pm and it was almost 9pm by this time. For visual reference here's what it looks like:
Keep that delectable shade of green in mind. Shortly after sucking down my Apples & Greens the contractions kicked in and by kicked in that's what it felt like. Wow. Those mofos really are painful. Now, in the natural birth class we took I learned that labor comes in phases with 3 stages. First phase is early labor where it ain't no thang. The next phase is more intense, but supposedly bearable. Finally there's the transition phase where shit just got real...real painful. That's all the first stage and by the second stage you're pushing. Last stage is delivery of the placenta. Now this whole process could last anywhere from 3 to 24 hours.
I guess I expected the phases and stages to make sense while I was going through them (please hold your laughter until the end of this production). For me I felt like I was in the third phase from the get-go. That delicious gunky green smoothie I sucked down with glee came right back up in the midst of one of the most painful contractions. I puked it up on the bed while I was on my knees. Surprisingly enough though it tasted good coming up as it did going down. A nurse came in and when she saw my vomit she enthusiastically said, "That's good!" Uh, what? I guess barfing is a sign things are progressing wonderfully...sure felt like shit though.
Ten hours later after a long night of standing and swaying on Danny because sitting or lying down was out of the question, I decided it was epidural time. We were both falling asleep standing up, I was only 5 centimeters dilated, and because my water broke I wasn't checked as often as I'd like. The unknown did me in. Ok, and exhaustion. I also figured if the French always do it this way then it's gotta be ok. This is what comes into your head when you're delirious, in pain, and minus a birth coach who successfully went through 2 home births without meds(!).
My main fear was getting a shot in my back. When the anesthesiologist came in I had to tuck a pillow up against my belly full of baby and hunch. Just to be sure I asked him, "So I'm not going to be paralyzed for the rest of my life, right?" He chuckled and said no. Apparently that was enough for me to let him shoot me up. He told me I'd feel a pinch like a bee sting similar to what it felt like getting the IV. Knowing exactly how that felt made the whole needle in my back thing seem easy. And it was! The only weird feeling I had was when he said, "Ok, now you will feel a slight cramp." Cramp? Yup. And although it didn't hurt, the sensation was so bizarre that I slightly jumped. Thankfully it didn't eff anything up! I asked how long it would take for the dope to work and the nurse said about 5 to 10 minutes. It was instantaneous. Hallelujah!
I'm not gonna lie, it was heavenly. I started wondering why I was even so against the epidural in the first place. I mean, the French do it. They are so awesome and fancy and like French, ya know? Delirium, folks. Delirium. Danny scooted this fold out chair thing that was in the room next to me and we both fell asleep. During this time nurses were in and out checking my progression, blood pressure, and baby's heartbeat. At one point his heartbeat dropped and a buttload of people rushed in. I was so out of it I didn't even think twice about it. I guess I should have been more worried, but I was so out of it by then. Thankfully all was well.
Now this is where Danny's side of the story would be helpful because I'm not really sure what was going on around me. I knew our family was out in the waiting room, but had no clue for how long. I think a few of them came in to say hi even though I remember not wanting anyone in there. Family, so persistent. I love them anyway and really it was fine at that point since I was pain free - ha!
I was dilating so slowly. I agreed to being induced, but still my dilation slugged on. But by 5pm on April 13th I was 9.5 centimeters. Just half a centimeter to go! However there was a problem. My water had been broken for over 24 hours now, which means potential issues for ma and baby. My doctor told me that her attending doctor was on his way and she knew that when he got there he'd want me to have a c-section. Knowing that I didn't want a c-section she checked me again. I was still 9.5 centimeters dilated and Han was sunny-side up. She went ahead and had me push and push to no avail. Her attending doctor came in, checked me, and said I'd need a c-section.
The tears just erupted. And what's weird is that I told myself I'm flexible - if it happens it happens as long as I get a healthy baby boy I'm all good. My so-called flexibility turned into full-blown devastation. I couldn't believe nothing went the way I wanted it to and what's worse I was going to have to undergo major surgery. But what could I do other than consent. I felt so lost and sad and confused and out of options. At around 6:50pm or so, the nurses wheeled in a gurney. I was moved onto it, they maneuvered me out of the room, and a c-section we go.
Once in the operating room they prepped me which included the following: moving me to the operating bed, pulling up blue paper in front of me, telling me to hold on to the straps to the right and left of me (a nurse assures me that they won't strap me down - oh good), testing of whether I could feel a wet swab on my forehead (which I felt) and then on what I can only assume was my stomach because I couldn't feel anything there, a roll call of everyone in the room was blurted out in the speed of the Micro Machine guy, and finally getting down to the nitty-gritty: cutting me open. I should note that when they wheeled me into the room I had no idea Danny wasn't with me anymore. I freaked out and started calling out, "where's Danny?! Where's Danny?!" A nurse told me he's right outside and not to worry because he'll be inside before they cut me open.
I had Danny right next to me while the surgery went down. Let me just take a moment to gush over that man. He was an amazing birthing partner and stuck with me through all trials and tribulations that went down during my labor and delivery of our sweet son. He documented as much as he could with his phone's camera and I'm so grateful that he did. But more importantly his support, comforting embrace, and love is really what built up my courage and confidence to take on a c-section like a champ. When we got together neither of us wanted to have kids. A little over 3 years later I convinced him we should go for it and it was the best decision I ever made. He's the best husband-to-be and the best dad. He just is simply the best. Tina feels me:
Ok, back to the c-section. I of course felt nothing. That is until there was this intense tugging sensation that freaked me the eff out! As my eyes widened in terror and I was about to yell out, a nurse told me that I would feel some slight tugging. That it was just the doctor pulling Han out of the birth canal. Apparently since I had tried pushing Han hunkered in pretty far down, so the tugging lasted for what seemed like FOREVER. It didn't hurt per se, but it sure didn't feel good either. Finally Han emerged, they scooped me out and stitched me up. Danny has plenty of photos of the actual slicing and dicing as well as Han's head coming out of my guts and a full body pic of him covered in viscera. I'll just keep those tucked away for the squeamish.
So, on April 13th at 7:13pm Han entered the world. He was 7 lbs. 6 oz. and 20.3 inches long. It was a long labor with a super short delivery since the surgery took like 10 minutes or something insane like that. The recovery is another ordeal best left for a later post.
Unfortunately the devastation I felt didn't go away, which probably led me into postpartum depression (I'll save that story for yet another post). It took a few weeks for me to be able to talk about Han's birth without choking up and it took a few months for me to even think fondly on the whole experience (re: today). I'm so thankful that I can now reflect back and feel happy about my accomplishment because that's what it was NOT a failure because I got a handsome, healthy, lil' lad out of it and damn if I didn't have ovaries of steel to take on a c-section and start walking around the next morning!
Strangely enough, I feel like I could do it all over again knowing what I know now. I'm not gonna lie, I kinda can't wait to have another one...Danny might have an opinion or two on that account...hehe.
Louis image
Jamba image
Phases and Stages image
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